- Nine days ago I had every intention of graduating in May with my degree in Secondary Social Studies Education. I knew I did not want to teach, at all, not even a little. What I didn't know was what I wanted to do instead. I was starting to get nervous and was feeling really down in dumps.
- Then I got back a paper from my favorite history class this semester, and on the last page my professor had written the most amazing feedback I have ever received on a paper. EVER. This gets my mind racing...
- Could it be that I've finally found my thing? Something I really like and perhaps am even decent at?
- Then I go back to that class. As usual there are a handful of people who do all of the talking. Loud, frequent, opinionated talking. These guys know their stuff. Then that old familiar thought creeps in.... they're smarter than me. I'm not that smart. My paper was a fluke, she must have just graded them really easily.
- But I can't get her comments out of my head. And I finally decide that I am smart. (Has anyone read/seen The Help? Well there is this part where Skeeter's mom who has cancer tells her, "I have decided that I am not going to die." This is what it felt like to me, in my head. I have decided that I smart.)
- Anyway, I begin looking into adding a history major and it seems doable. Blah blah blah.
- Today- I did it.
- I have decided to delay my graduation date to next May so that I can graduate with a double major.
- So after I finalized this with my adviser, I'm feeling pretty good about life, so I do something that I would typically avoid. I go to aforementioned professors office hours. I give her my thanks and in return she gives me the most phenomenal words I HAVE EVER HEARD IT MY LIFE. (Warning: I tend toward hyperbole.) She tells me that my paper received the highest grade in my class. WWWWHHHHHAAAAAATTTTTTT. So being the graceful conversationalist that I am I blush violently and stammer a few more thank yous and try my hardest to look her in the eyes and smile.
- I did better than the loud kids. Better than the kids who took APUSH and seem to know everything about anything and then some.
- Yay.
- History.
- Books.
- :)
- And if you're sitting there thinking "WELL WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO WITH A HISTORY DEGREE." Please click that little red "x" in the corner and permanently remove yourself from my life. Because it's due to people like you that I'm in this conundrum in the first place. I was so damned afraid of doing what I wanted to do that I went along with what people like you said. It's because of YOU that I still struggle with feeling smart and adequate. And guess what- I REFUSE to be miserable, and I REFUSE to pursue a career just because it's a sure thing. Call be stupid if you want, but I call myself BRAVE. (Insert Defying Gravity lyrics here.)
- And if you are reading this and you are still in high-school or just starting college here is my advise to you- listen to yourself, and I mean really listen. Don't decide on a major too early and if something starts to feel wrong, ask yourself why. Do not seek the advice of people who you do not really know or care about. They will be more than willing to give you their opinion, do not allow them such pleasure. You and you alone have to live with your decisions.
- And to everyone out there remember this...
-L
